Stage fright - even when you’re prepared, it can catch you off guard

You know the feeling.

You’ve rehearsed the song again and again. You’ve shaped the phrases, worked on the breath, made it your own. You’ve even run it in front of a friend or two, and it felt solid – it had life, energy, expression.

But then you step onto the stage...

The lights are dazzling. You can’t quite see anyone, but you can sense them - all those faces in the dark. And even though you know the song inside out, suddenly your throat gets dry, your hands start shaking, and your stomach clenches..

You start to sing, but the sound doesn’t flow. Your fingers feel like sausages on the guitar. It’s just not how you sang it in practice, not even close; and what’s worse is that you know you’re capable of more. You know you’ve done the work.

Performance anxiety can be pretty disorienting. And it’s easy to think it’s something you should have “got over” by now, especially if you’ve been singing for a while.

But in my experience - and in most singers I’ve worked with - it’s not about getting rid of nerves entirely. The truth is, it doesn't ever completely go away. Most professional performers will tell you that. But what you can do is learn how to work with it so it doesn’t take over.

I’m working on an e-book that goes into this more fully - how to prepare for performance in a way that supports your nervous system as much as your technique - but I wanted to share a couple of simple things that have helped me over the years.

They’re not flashy, and they’re definitely not new, but they’ve made a real difference to me and my students.

1. Before you perform:
   Try softly repeating the sound “shhh”, as if you were gently telling someone to be quiet. Not in a harsh way, just steadily. I usually do this while I’m backstage or waiting to go on. It helps shift my body out of that adrenaline-flooded, fight-or-flight state, and into something calmer. More grounded. Like I’m reminding myself, “You’re allowed to settle.”

2. Once you’re on stage:
   Try shifting your focus away from yourself, and back toward the song.

It’s so easy to get stuck in that loop - “How am I doing?” “Do they like me?” - but those thoughts keep you in a place of ego and make you tighten up. What’s helped me is to think instead, ‘I’m sharing my love of this song.’

Not performing to impress. Not trying to get it “right.” Just offering. Sharing something I care about...singing so the audience can connect with the meaning of the song.

This takes the focus off of YOU, and makes it about the ACT of GIVING.

In my experience, doing this makes a lot of the fear drop away.

There’s no magic wand for stage fright, but these two tools aren’t just quick fixes - they’re part of a bigger approach I’ve been refining over years of performing and working with singers. Small shifts like these can completely change how you experience being on stage.

They’re just a glimpse of the wider strategy I’ve developed for handling performance nerves in a way that’s both practical and deeply supportive - and I’ll be sharing the full version soon in my upcoming e‑book.

If you try these tips, I’d love to hear how they feel for you. You can leave a comment below, or email me directly if you’d like to be notified the moment the e‑book is released. selena@singwithstyle.com